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you know nothing

sometimes i wish i can hold things to myself better. i wish i can stop opening up to the wrong people.

because the last time i did that, i was misjudged badly. so bad that the second i got back to my room, i stared at the wall for... i don't know how long but the next i knew it was the next prayer time already. they thought i was faking my anxiety, i was okay, but i faked it for attention.

if only they know how bad it was before. if only they know how much i trembled just to order food at Alamanda's food court when i was 12. or how scary it was to just talk to my own teacher at the front desk in class when i was 16, or how scary it was to just be seen in public with my head up. if only they know how self-conscious i am and i really wish one day i can't stop being like this.

their example of anxiety hit me right on the dot but i couldn't put myself to defend myself any longer because i just realized that they judged me wrongly, and they might do more of that if i open …

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